Take A Moment To Understand WHY You’re In Your Situation

[00:00:04] You're listening to Casual Talk Radio, where common sense is still the norm.

[00:00:10] Whether you're a new or long-time listener, we appreciate you joining us today.

[00:00:14] Visit us at CasualTalkRadio.net.

[00:00:17] And now, here's your host, Leistor.

[00:00:36] I think it's helpful to some people.

[00:00:41] You're wondering, well, why did it come to mind?

[00:00:44] I'll address that.

[00:00:46] And how does it apply?

[00:00:47] And I'll address that.

[00:00:49] It connects to the election upcoming in a way.

[00:00:53] It connects to the economy in a way.

[00:00:56] It connects to everything that's going on right now.

[00:00:59] Society in general.

[00:01:01] The social status.

[00:01:04] So, when you're young, and I acknowledge, by the way, there are people who grow up

[00:01:11] and they don't have the same opportunities.

[00:01:14] They don't grow up in a full nuclear family household.

[00:01:17] They don't have the opportunity to go to full school.

[00:01:21] Some kids are in a project.

[00:01:24] Some kids are immigrant kids where they've never got a chance to really grow in a true neighborhood.

[00:01:32] All of those I acknowledge.

[00:01:33] So, I'm not dismissing those.

[00:01:35] What I'm describing is based on the most common experience.

[00:01:40] When you're young, the one thing that stands out, there's actually two,

[00:01:44] but one primary thing that stands out is curiosity.

[00:01:49] You're curious about a lot of different things.

[00:01:51] You're wondering about a lot of different things.

[00:01:53] You want to know more.

[00:01:55] You want to learn.

[00:01:55] You're a sponge.

[00:01:57] It's ingrained in you to want to learn.

[00:02:00] I'm a firm believer, and this may piss some people off,

[00:02:04] but I'm a firm believer that what you absorb shapes what you end up deciding for yourself.

[00:02:13] So, for example, if you're the kind of person that now, you know,

[00:02:18] fast forward because most of them listen to the show or of my age or older.

[00:02:22] If you now can think and stop and stare at a white wall and literally think about it.

[00:02:29] How likely is it for you that you work out and how much do you enjoy working out?

[00:02:35] Do you work out because you just have to stay in shape or do you work out because you enjoy it?

[00:02:40] The foods that you enjoy now, how close are they to the foods that you enjoy when you were younger?

[00:02:47] How you speak, how you write, how often you read books.

[00:02:53] All of these are shaped.

[00:02:55] These are things that were formed.

[00:02:57] Even your desire to use technology.

[00:03:00] I honestly believe some of the desires that people have that they express right now as this is just what it is or genetic.

[00:03:11] They started as desires.

[00:03:13] They were curiosity factors and then they became decisions.

[00:03:16] And those decisions shaped who they then became who you're attracted to and why your preference of who you date.

[00:03:24] There may be an aspect of who you grow up around.

[00:03:28] I don't think that I don't personally believe that's a strong factor, but I acknowledge it a factor.

[00:03:33] There used to be rumors.

[00:03:35] You know, if you grew up in a neighborhood that was predominantly Mexican American,

[00:03:40] that you're in tuned to be attracted to Mexican Americans.

[00:03:44] And I again, I don't subscribe to that theory.

[00:03:47] I think there's a little bit of the attraction, but I don't subscribe to the notion that it's only because of that neighborhood aspect or that the aspect was driven by presence in a neighborhood predominated by certain race.

[00:04:03] I don't buy that.

[00:04:04] What I do buy is when you then grow up a little bit, go to school and you date friends.

[00:04:12] And the most common times you're going to meet friends is going to be, I would argue.

[00:04:18] I would say elementary school, but those are kind of fleeting friendships.

[00:04:22] I wouldn't necessarily lump them in the category of a long term friendship.

[00:04:27] They're fleeting friendships.

[00:04:28] They are they are the first formative friendships, but middle school, I would say middle school and maybe to a lesser degree high school, but certainly middle school.

[00:04:37] These are the places where you really do find friends.

[00:04:41] Why?

[00:04:42] Because it's common ground.

[00:04:44] You're in the same place.

[00:04:46] You're suffering through the same nonsense that you have to go through.

[00:04:49] And in some cases, you might be inspired by some of your friends.

[00:04:52] I knew a gal.

[00:04:53] I told a story once and she was ROTC.

[00:04:56] She was top of the class.

[00:04:57] She was beautiful, tall, but beautiful.

[00:05:00] Her name is Denise.

[00:05:02] Amazing person.

[00:05:03] And I believe now she's like a PhD.

[00:05:06] Like she's crazy, talented.

[00:05:08] We knew she was going to be something.

[00:05:10] We knew she was going to excel simply because of who she was back then.

[00:05:15] And we were inspired by this person.

[00:05:18] I was never directly friends, but we were, you know, acquainted.

[00:05:22] So in this time, you purposely seek out peers and possibly even I would argue to some lesser degree love.

[00:05:35] It's ingrained in us to start seeking such things out roughly around middle school, maybe high school.

[00:05:43] Now, whether it's legitimate, that's a different question for a different day, but we start seeking it out.

[00:05:49] Our bodies are intuned to seek it at the early age.

[00:05:56] As an example, the very first time I even had anywhere close.

[00:06:00] Now, in mine, I was kind of an exception to the rule because I just, I wasn't seeking it.

[00:06:06] It kind of sought me and I'm like, I had to be like four or five years old.

[00:06:11] Nobody knows that by the way.

[00:06:13] Parents don't know that friends don't know that nobody knows about that situation.

[00:06:17] It wasn't sexual, but it was a situation and resulted in kissing.

[00:06:22] And again, I had to be like four or five years old.

[00:06:25] The next such situation, I was seeking it, but it was not reciprocated.

[00:06:31] And again, probably four or five years old and this was a girl on the street who happened to be the younger sister of a girl that my brother,

[00:06:39] I believe dated and went a little bit further hint, hint.

[00:06:43] And we had talked about that too.

[00:06:45] Fast forward then and then it happened again.

[00:06:48] And at that time had to be maybe six or seven years old.

[00:06:52] So I was not seeking it though.

[00:06:56] In the vast majority of cases, it just kind of others girls were seeking it for me.

[00:07:02] I wasn't seeking it from them.

[00:07:04] I was curious, but I wasn't engaged.

[00:07:07] I guess the best way to describe it, the engagement part for me didn't start until roughly middle school.

[00:07:15] In middle school, I engage.

[00:07:18] I get rejected.

[00:07:20] No problem.

[00:07:22] But they would initial rejection was kind of it was odd and to be fair, to be fair to the girl in the question who I did,

[00:07:31] by the way, talk to you later.

[00:07:32] She's cool girl, very cool girl.

[00:07:34] We just were different people.

[00:07:36] You know that situation.

[00:07:38] I wasn't the one who directly engaged.

[00:07:41] I engaged by way of somebody else who just had a little bit more rovado than I did and did it on my behalf.

[00:07:47] So I can't say that the same rejection would happen if I had done it directly.

[00:07:52] I'm pretty sure it would have, but I can't say for sure.

[00:07:55] So I got rejected there.

[00:07:57] I got rejected in high school two or three times actually.

[00:07:59] And the one particular that I can recall that was the most bothering was Geraldine.

[00:08:08] I'll say only because that was kind of mixed.

[00:08:12] It was weird.

[00:08:13] I talked about how originally girls would seek out to engage with me and then I would not seek with them.

[00:08:19] In this case, she was giving me the impression she was seeking to engage with me.

[00:08:25] She would actively come to spend time with me during lunch.

[00:08:29] She would ask me to walk her home.

[00:08:32] She would ask to share the umbrella with me.

[00:08:35] We're talking close.

[00:08:36] We're talking physical contact.

[00:08:38] We're talking the whole nine.

[00:08:39] Okay, she's laughing.

[00:08:40] She's the whole nine.

[00:08:41] You can't get a better definition of mixed signals than Geraldine honestly.

[00:08:46] And I can't to this day describe to you why I was really attracted to her other than the fact that she was making these over to me.

[00:08:55] You know, things happen.

[00:08:56] So fast forward.

[00:08:58] The rejection happens, which didn't make any sense.

[00:09:00] And even her sister who was a really good friend of mine acknowledged didn't make any sense.

[00:09:05] There was no reason for her to reject because apparently she had acknowledged in private company to her sister that there was a an attraction.

[00:09:12] And here I'm directly engaging and as a rejection.

[00:09:15] And I actually talked to her later and she was completely a different person.

[00:09:20] But it was almost like a hatred and anger that didn't make any sense.

[00:09:25] No, no logic to this.

[00:09:27] And I can only speculate and I based on talking with a sister that there was some sort of racial bias that was ingrained that caused the secondary reaction.

[00:09:40] But it started the seeds were planted in the first by her father because her father was whoodle.

[00:09:48] You know, he believed because he's Hispanic believed you're supposed to date and marry within the race and her father caught us together walking together.

[00:09:56] And this was one of the situations where I didn't let it bother me personally.

[00:10:02] It was the second one that bothered me a little bit because it didn't make any sense until I wrapped it together.

[00:10:10] So now over time, I've met and dated plenty.

[00:10:17] But I've not been aggressive about it at all at all.

[00:10:22] I've, you know, kind of tickled out there feed out there.

[00:10:25] I've not been aggressive and I'm not put forth that effort because I felt OK, given this rejection happened over here.

[00:10:32] There's got to be something that's not clicking and it also seemed harder than it was back in middle school by far.

[00:10:42] So the high school ones seemed harder than middle school.

[00:10:45] The early adult felt significantly harder than high school.

[00:10:50] And then as I got older, it seemed like it got more and more difficult.

[00:10:55] It wasn't more difficult to meet.

[00:10:56] That was easy.

[00:10:57] It wasn't more difficult for other women to engage.

[00:11:02] That was reasonably easy.

[00:11:03] It wasn't difficult for me to engage them that, no, even now, like right now I'll tell you as a spoiler, my neighbor, she lives alone and she engages.

[00:11:16] I'm not going to go and borrow any sugar.

[00:11:19] Don't mind.

[00:11:20] She's not my type.

[00:11:21] But the point is for me, there is a natural magnetism that I acknowledge that I have because of the way I present myself.

[00:11:31] Even when I don't fix myself up by the way, there's a natural magnetism I've developed and I've kind of protected it.

[00:11:39] And then there's I learned and this may be something throwback to the 70s maybe, but I learned there's something to this whole muskiness, you know, natural.

[00:11:52] Because when I went natural and I stopped using artificial to, you know, duty myself up as they used to say all of a sudden some of that magnetism started to come out much stronger.

[00:12:04] My style and my delivery of speech improved significantly over time.

[00:12:09] And I think that played a factor.

[00:12:11] But just generally how I carried myself.

[00:12:13] So then now I've got these different points of attraction, but they're not coming necessarily from where I want it.

[00:12:22] It's not that I don't like it.

[00:12:23] It's that these are not necessarily my type in the vast majority of cases.

[00:12:28] So I'm now circling back to, you know, who you grew up with and that that we grew up when we moved out to when we moved out to the place that I predominantly grew up at the time.

[00:12:43] There was a very strong, I would argue probably, you know, 90% Hispanic in the neighborhood.

[00:12:51] Some of them were illegal immigrants.

[00:12:52] I would learn later.

[00:12:53] I didn't know that time, but I would learn that later.

[00:12:55] Illegal immigrants and Mexican American.

[00:12:59] So there's a general for me exposure to Mexican American and I I've embraced the culture.

[00:13:05] I speak Spanish to some degree, but there's not been that direct attraction to say, okay, I'm only got to date Mexican Americans.

[00:13:13] Or I prefer Mexican Americans.

[00:13:14] None of that.

[00:13:15] None of that.

[00:13:16] It's not part of my preference set.

[00:13:20] Later when I went to work, this is 2004.

[00:13:27] No, 2003.

[00:13:28] No.

[00:13:29] Yeah.

[00:13:29] 2003.

[00:13:30] 2003.

[00:13:31] I'm working at a company and there's a number of viable, let's say women around one of which was a really good friend of mine.

[00:13:43] Later, like maybe became friends and she actually went into the adult film industry.

[00:13:49] I didn't I didn't.

[00:13:51] I found this out after the fact when the adult film industry, she didn't go very long.

[00:13:56] She only did like two shoots took some of the money spun up her own yoga studio, which I'm pretty sure she still has out there.

[00:14:04] There was another young lady and she I was would argue was the polar opposite of what I prefer a girl to be like polar opposite in the most cases, you know, physical and her presentation and everything just was not.

[00:14:25] It was completely opposite of what I wanted.

[00:14:28] But we connected.

[00:14:29] We got along well, you know, we communicated well and one day now, mind you, this is an era prior to just prior to the ubiquitousness of MP3s.

[00:14:42] So she asked me, you know, if she can have some music from somebody because I had an extensive CD collection.

[00:14:49] I lost it since I have some of them, but I don't have anywhere near the CDs I had at one point.

[00:14:54] I had a whole drawer full of CDs and I'm pretty sure they were trashed.

[00:14:58] But I had a lot of CDs, so she asked if she could burn some songs off for her own collection.

[00:15:04] Can I come by your place and you know, get some CD, get some music on this?

[00:15:08] OK, sure.

[00:15:10] She swings by and, you know, no problem.

[00:15:13] I didn't girls coming to my place.

[00:15:15] It's not a problem.

[00:15:16] I don't I don't get nervous about it at this point.

[00:15:18] I don't get nervous about it.

[00:15:20] It's just a thing.

[00:15:21] And I'm not I'm not I'm not making any connection that something's going to happen, not because because again, I'm not engaging.

[00:15:31] I was dating, but I wasn't engaging.

[00:15:33] It's different.

[00:15:34] The usually the women were engaging me.

[00:15:36] I want to keep emphasizing that this is important to the story.

[00:15:40] So burn the CDs.

[00:15:42] And then all of a sudden out of the blue, she asks, quote.

[00:15:46] Do you or would you date a black girl?

[00:15:51] And the question threw me it threw me because there was never a problem dating black girls.

[00:15:59] I had dated black girls plenty.

[00:16:01] My first girlfriend was black.

[00:16:03] Multiple others were black throughout because that was right around the time.

[00:16:08] It wasn't when I stopped dating, but I had kind of toned it back a bit because I realized that something's something's got to change.

[00:16:16] But I dated black women plenty.

[00:16:19] It was just there was something nuances of each one of them where it just didn't work out and it wasn't that I was steering away from them in any way.

[00:16:27] So she's picking up is the point.

[00:16:30] She's picking up on the fact that I'm not making a move even though she's making she's she's connecting.

[00:16:37] And she asked to come over at the.

[00:16:40] So again, the magnetism is there because I'm I'm at the top of the team.

[00:16:45] You know, I'm one of the top performers.

[00:16:47] I had the top bonuses.

[00:16:49] It took a while to get there, but I'm one of the top performers.

[00:16:52] So she's she's making the move.

[00:16:55] I am.

[00:16:56] I know what's happening by her asking the question her body language and everything else.

[00:17:01] She wasn't aggressive with it.

[00:17:03] She wasn't anything.

[00:17:04] She just was kind of feeling the waters because she didn't see that I was making a move.

[00:17:10] And I told her something to the effect of I've dated black women before, but I'm I'm difficult for black women to be with because that's the truth.

[00:17:24] I'm not one of those who lies about situation.

[00:17:27] Some dudes will lie.

[00:17:29] They'll straight lie about themselves or what they want or what they need or where they're at or how their status.

[00:17:35] They'll lie because they want to get in the pants, right?

[00:17:40] Lauren Hill, she told you the story.

[00:17:44] Some guys are only about that thing.

[00:17:46] I'm not.

[00:17:47] I don't need to.

[00:17:49] I don't need to simp for it.

[00:17:50] You know, I call the current culture simp culture.

[00:17:54] Everything simp culture.

[00:17:56] Everything is about dudes can't get.

[00:18:01] They can't get.

[00:18:02] And so they lie, misrepresent, just straight up fake the funk as we used to say to try to get it when we had an era in the 60s and the 70s where it was getting thrown at him or in some cases taken.

[00:18:18] Think James Brown.

[00:18:21] We've gone the extreme.

[00:18:23] We go from it's getting thrown at you or you're taking it to now they got a simp for it.

[00:18:29] And I'm not, you know, I'm in the middle.

[00:18:32] I'm in the middle.

[00:18:33] I'm not going to take it because I don't need to write.

[00:18:37] I'm not going to simp for it.

[00:18:39] It's not and I'm not going to pay for it.

[00:18:41] So I'm right in the middle.

[00:18:43] I'm just, I'm just my, my business.

[00:18:45] This is my mentality back then and especially now it's just gotten worse now as I'm dirt old.

[00:18:51] So then when I gave that answer, I basically just said, I'm really difficult for black women.

[00:18:56] I'm, I'm, I'm a handful because it's the truth for black women.

[00:18:59] I am difficult.

[00:19:00] I'm a handful.

[00:19:02] I had to learn that hard lesson.

[00:19:05] I had to understand it and then I had to embrace it because it was necessary for me to move on from what was happening.

[00:19:13] And I would argue that Charmaine.

[00:19:17] You know, I would argue she's probably the only one that I can say, well, I could probably make it work, but it would take too much compromise on both our parts.

[00:19:32] So we could be better friends than we could in a relationship, but she's probably the only one everybody else.

[00:19:37] I'm too much of a handful.

[00:19:39] I'm too much of a handful and I accept that I embrace it.

[00:19:42] It's me.

[00:19:43] It's who I am.

[00:19:45] And to quote Bernie Mac, I don't care if you like me.

[00:19:48] I like me.

[00:19:49] So it was now back then that was that was that last part was not solid enough yet, but I at least was firm in my principles and beliefs.

[00:20:01] So she gets this look on her face when I say that she doesn't say anything else.

[00:20:05] I've run CDs.

[00:20:06] Never heard from her again.

[00:20:07] We're working and she I think she quit at that point, but never heard from her again.

[00:20:12] Now I knew, you know, look, I understand the might have hurt your feelings or something.

[00:20:18] It wasn't you personally.

[00:20:19] It's a it's a statements general statements.

[00:20:22] Not about you.

[00:20:23] It's about in general and I've noticed that too, that there's a lot of a lot of women will take a general statement, but they'll attach it as if it's an attack on them directly.

[00:20:34] I was talking to this other one and she had none.

[00:20:36] Not a dating thing.

[00:20:37] This is a work related thing, but she had asked the question about what I do and how I do what I do in my own business.

[00:20:44] And she was trying to do it herself and she was trying to get a lay of the land.

[00:20:48] She was encouraged to speak to me.

[00:20:50] Okay.

[00:20:50] Because there's a measure of success and she wanted to get a little piece of this.

[00:20:54] Yeah.

[00:20:54] So okay, I'm telling her what the game is.

[00:20:57] The game is you come in, you're new to this.

[00:21:00] What I do, it doesn't matter that you got experience in the field.

[00:21:04] You got you don't have experience being your own boss.

[00:21:08] So if you don't have experience being your own boss, it's a harder sell to the companies because you don't have experience doing it.

[00:21:15] It doesn't matter that you have the work experience.

[00:21:17] They want to know that you got experience working for and supporting other clients.

[00:21:24] They're always going to ask.

[00:21:26] And so if you don't have that experience, it means it's going to be harder for you.

[00:21:30] And as a result, you need to get realistic on your rates.

[00:21:33] Your rates need to start lower, get you a couple of customers under your belt, build up that confidence.

[00:21:40] And then you can raise your rate to whatever you want to do after you get more and more customers under the belt.

[00:21:46] That's how everybody's done it in the business.

[00:21:48] There are people right now who do it and they start like 40 bucks an hour, which I think is a joke, frankly.

[00:21:55] They hurt the business for all the rest of us.

[00:21:57] But the point is they start at 40 bucks an hour.

[00:22:00] And then there's others that I know that are at my level or beneath it and they're charging 300 bucks an hour because they have so many clients that they worked with that they can.

[00:22:11] No problem.

[00:22:12] So I'm explaining this to her and she gets she I heard from a different person that she talked to.

[00:22:17] She got offended by what I said because she took it that I was telling her she didn't have enough experience to be worth more money.

[00:22:25] That disconnect.

[00:22:28] That's exactly why I I'd say the primary reason that I stopped dating.

[00:22:35] No intention to date this woman, but the point is that's why I stopped dating because everything that you say, even when it said in the best you're trying to help somebody understand the real world of a thing gets misrepresented as something completely that it's not.

[00:22:51] And I was not going to play that game.

[00:22:54] I'm kind of a once and done person, which is why I said way back in 2003.

[00:23:00] You know, I'm difficult for black women because in general they're going to misrepresent things that you say you've listened to me now, hopefully for past 20 some odd minutes.

[00:23:12] I would hope you have never been at any point confused about the way you know with what I'm saying and how I speak and how I represent what I'm saying.

[00:23:21] It's pretty darn clear.

[00:23:23] It's clear because I'm telling a story one, I need you to understand.

[00:23:29] But also the point of the story.

[00:23:32] This is where I'm going.

[00:23:33] The point of the story is the misrepresentation of what said that became more and more aggressive like it's bad as we got older.

[00:23:43] It was not the case when we were younger.

[00:23:46] And I don't know when it changed to where it got to that point.

[00:23:50] And then with black women specifically seems like it's even worse as in I can say a but perfectly behind something designed to help somebody with possibly harsh truth, but it's not around you.

[00:24:02] It's not an attack.

[00:24:03] It is just the state of something and it's taken as an attack, which doesn't make any sense, which means people are naturally defensive and easily offended, which connects to the current state of society is to be easily offended.

[00:24:18] Well, I had a choice to make and this is now 2004 ish 2005.

[00:24:24] Well, well, even more than I'd say probably 2009, probably.

[00:24:30] I'd have to really sit down and think about where I was at the time because there was a lot of things going in flux, but I'm gonna say probably about 2009 2010 somewhere in that era is when I just said enough.

[00:24:41] Enough.

[00:24:42] It's it's not worth that.

[00:24:44] It's not worth doing it.

[00:24:46] I'm still inundated with these points because I have the magnetism when I speak and I'm doing things that are not where there has not already been a connection.

[00:24:57] Right.

[00:24:57] There's still the magnet.

[00:24:58] There's the curiosity factor I talked about before.

[00:25:01] It's always that curiosity, you know, this person's over there dressed like that drives this over there just bought a house fresh out, you know, apparently had no problem doing so because was the first and only up like there's the curiosity factor of this.

[00:25:15] There's the way I speak.

[00:25:17] There's the lawn.

[00:25:19] My lawn now dominates the street.

[00:25:21] I've only been here close to three months now.

[00:25:24] There's these things that cause those eyes to look my direction and then I have to not reject but carefully push away.

[00:25:34] I'm still cordial, still respond, I'll still react, but I'm not.

[00:25:38] I'm purposely not engaging beyond it.

[00:25:42] There's others where I can sense a very strong magnetism, but it could simply be that they're extroverted.

[00:25:51] It could simply be that there is no attraction.

[00:25:53] They're a combination of curious and extroverted such that it comes across as something that it, you know, it appears to be something that's not.

[00:26:02] So I have to be careful and sense when that's the case so that I don't, you know, hurt somebody's feelings or make somebody feel that there is no, you know, that I'm not.

[00:26:12] I'm trying to drive you away.

[00:26:14] That's not it either.

[00:26:16] So then, and this is just me, I have to switch my part of the brain off where it takes those reactions and turns them into a fantasy.

[00:26:29] So I have to turn that off as much as I hate to.

[00:26:32] I've got to because that is what then causes me to potentially react to the magnet and do something and then get in a situation and then the situation turns into a loss of a friendship, maybe.

[00:26:47] Right?

[00:26:47] I'm at the point where I'm like, well, let me just be okay with the friendship.

[00:26:51] The struggle, the real struggle is the other side may not be satisfied with just a friendship.

[00:26:58] And you're like, well, find somebody who's married.

[00:27:02] I want to make sure you understand it's actually very easy to be a home wrecker.

[00:27:08] It's easy.

[00:27:09] It's almost too easy.

[00:27:11] It's disgustingly easy.

[00:27:12] And I've said I don't want to be a home wrecker period, but it's easy to do it.

[00:27:17] I'll every the magnetism I described, the vast majority of them post 2003 were married because when you're married, this is my argument and I'll close up here in a second.

[00:27:34] But when you're married, you tend to get bored, right?

[00:27:38] Because you're, you're staring at the same thing every day.

[00:27:41] You're hearing the same thing every day.

[00:27:43] You're same smell, same sensation, same voice, same look, same field.

[00:27:48] You tend to get bored.

[00:27:50] That's just what it is.

[00:27:51] It's nothing wrong with it.

[00:27:53] And I've said if you're running the, you know, running the streets, you're playing the field at some point you get tired of that.

[00:28:01] No matter what you do, you can't win.

[00:28:03] If you're running the streets of different people, you get tired of it as a female probably.

[00:28:09] And I know some that told me this.

[00:28:10] You get tired of it.

[00:28:12] You get tired of not being able to just be with one person, you get sick of it.

[00:28:17] But then when you dedicate to one person, it's harder because in your mind, you're like, I get bored or I get frustrated or something happens or you learn something you didn't know.

[00:28:29] And very few women have been able to play the middle to be okay being bored, you know, be okay with it, be tolerant of being bored.

[00:28:39] So they seek out, you know, there's feelers.

[00:28:42] It's all over the place.

[00:28:43] And again, for me, at least the predominant are married and that's frustrating because I will not be a home record no matter what.

[00:28:50] So with this other one, let's say something, let's say she did make a move, which I don't think she would, but let's say she did.

[00:28:57] I would gently and carefully try to emphasize I want to be the best friend you got.

[00:29:04] I want to meet your husband.

[00:29:06] I want to meet your kids.

[00:29:08] We could be cool as a fan.

[00:29:10] I might even consider coming over there for Thanksgiving.

[00:29:13] I doubt it, but I might consider these things.

[00:29:15] I don't want to go there because I don't want to mess up what you got.

[00:29:20] You have a beautiful family and I don't want to get anywhere to where that's disrupted or corrupted.

[00:29:27] If you're cool with that, I'm cool to run with this and see what happens.

[00:29:33] That's where my mind's at.

[00:29:34] And if you are similar in the way you want to be or the way that you are, the way that you think you should be, you might be set.

[00:29:44] Well, how'd you get it?

[00:29:45] It doesn't take a lot.

[00:29:47] It takes understanding yourself first.

[00:29:50] You have to understand you and what you truly do want.

[00:29:55] If you're right now running the streets, as I said, you have to understand why.

[00:29:59] Why is that okay?

[00:30:00] If you're in a relationship, you have to embrace why and understand if it's the relationship for you.

[00:30:09] I was hearing Jay's Brown's daughter.

[00:30:11] She was talking about domestic violence.

[00:30:13] Now, I'm not sure I believe everything that she said because at one breath, she said that her father was abusive to her.

[00:30:20] And then in a different interview, she said that her father had never touched any of them.

[00:30:24] So maybe it's just yelling and screaming.

[00:30:26] I don't know.

[00:30:28] But you have to understand if you're in that relationship, you have to embrace why and be okay with the why.

[00:30:35] If you have not done that and you just kind of go into the motions like you don't want to be alone, right?

[00:30:40] That's going through the motions.

[00:30:42] You're not doing it because of the other person.

[00:30:44] You're doing it for your own protection.

[00:30:48] If that's your why, then that's your why.

[00:30:50] At least understand it.

[00:30:53] Because that's going to give you a compass in your mind about what's going to happen.

[00:30:58] Because if you're in a relationship just because you don't want to be alone, that relationship will fail.

[00:31:03] If you're running the streets, because you get like I say, you get bored easy and you want to experience different stuff and you can't really mentally settle down.

[00:31:11] You have to understand why is that because guys in the past treated you that way?

[00:31:18] Is it because you just simply have a curiosity that hasn't worn off?

[00:31:21] I've known a girl that was like that.

[00:31:23] Understand the why then identify what it takes to wean that off.

[00:31:29] Maybe it never does.

[00:31:30] Most women, it's going to wear off, but maybe it never does.

[00:31:34] Understand it, embrace it, figure it out.

[00:31:37] And then when you get to that point, step back and say, okay, now I need to make a decision.

[00:31:45] Do I continue down the path that I'm doing?

[00:31:48] Can I expect any sort of danger or risk as a result of said path?

[00:31:52] And do I choose to change?

[00:31:55] And if I choose to change, what are the downstream ripple effects because I took so long to change?

[00:32:01] I got lucky.

[00:32:03] You know, I was able to shift quite a long time ago.

[00:32:08] But in my mind it was too late.

[00:32:10] The point that I chose to shift was arguably 10 years too late.

[00:32:16] I should have now that said if I had chosen to shift 10 years prior to when I actually mentally did, you know, so let's say 2000 early 2000.

[00:32:30] If I had chosen to shift everything would have been financially everything would have been much cleaner for me.

[00:32:40] Everything would have been easier from a financial perspective because my focus at that time was far none above.

[00:32:48] Certainly where it is now, but above many other people when I was focused, I was successful more.

[00:32:54] I know that now and I know back then what could have been and I think it would have been easier.

[00:33:00] So for me everything was a distraction.

[00:33:02] It's all distract.

[00:33:03] It was all distracting because I was too busy again trying to make something work, trying to force the issue because I was curious or I felt like I was, you know, obligated to try in a whatever relationship instead of does this make sense and does it not make sense.

[00:33:22] And if it doesn't make sense, why am I doing it?

[00:33:23] And why am I continuing to go with it?

[00:33:25] And then just going through the motions as they say all of which the message, the moral of everything I have done.

[00:33:33] And I said it all starts with curiosity.

[00:33:35] Right.

[00:33:36] When you're way young, the curiosity is there.

[00:33:38] The curiosity never leaves us.

[00:33:41] The outcome of the curiosity has changed.

[00:33:43] The curiosity hasn't.

[00:33:45] It's always curiosity.

[00:33:46] Some people wean themselves off very well and some people don't.

[00:33:50] Some people result one way and they don't really understand why they did.

[00:33:55] They just kind of reacted to the curiosity and kind of ran with it.

[00:33:59] Maybe that wasn't a good decision.

[00:34:01] And if I'm resonating something where there and I'm not suggesting that there aren't arguments and relationships, you know when something was a bad decision.

[00:34:12] You know in your heart of hearts, you know that if you're in it, if you're in it, that what I'm describing, you know, you feel it.

[00:34:21] This was a mistake.

[00:34:23] There is the mindset of, you know what?

[00:34:26] I took vows.

[00:34:27] I'm going to just stay in the marriage.

[00:34:29] That's fine.

[00:34:30] If that's the decision, but is that the decision?

[00:34:33] Is that really the decision or did you convince yourself that's a decision?

[00:34:37] If you're choosing to stay and run the streets, you might say I just this is what I want.

[00:34:43] Go for it.

[00:34:44] You might suggest that you'll be a cat lady.

[00:34:48] What is a lonely cat lady or whatever.

[00:34:50] JD Van said that great if that's what it is great.

[00:34:54] No matter what your situation, you decide it.

[00:34:59] Make sure you understand it.

[00:35:00] Make sure you embrace it and realize what its origin was.

[00:35:04] And if it came from a place of good, which almost always not always it did and is and you understand it and you embrace that reasoning.

[00:35:14] You really thought it through no problem.

[00:35:17] But I suspect there's some out there that never thought about it.

[00:35:19] You never think about your situation of whether or not it really was the right answer and whether it continues to be the right answer and you're kind of just rolling with it.

[00:35:27] You're being flowed along, you know.

[00:35:31] If you're okay being flowed along great.

[00:35:34] But do you recognize that's what's happening to you is the question.